Life's a game
by rootathell
Summary: Life is a game...and we are the players. Watch as the Naruto crew get dealt their hand in this game. But why do the girls get a full house out of Boys and Kings? Tsunade a Royal Flush? And what's with Naruto getting 5 Queens in a game with only 4 cards of
1. Prologue I

Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me, if it did Naruto would be respected by the villagers, wear cool ninja gear and have a loving girlfriend or two...or even more

Legend:

Location

"blablabla" … speaking

What a stupid thing to do … thinking

**-Baka kit- **Kyuubi/Summon talking

**_-Baka kit-_** Kyuubi/Summon thinking

_-What do you want-_ Naruto talking/thinking to Kyuubi

**Life's a game – Prologue**

It had been two years since the attack on Konoha by the Sound and Wind, and life was difficult, but now Konoha once again shone in its former glory. Sure, not everything was alright and even now every shinobi was on high alert, but slowly but surely normality returned to the Hidden Village of Leaf.

Just too bad that this wouldn't last long, since the next typhoon that would rattle the village was already on its way.

On the road to Konoha three persons were walking peacefully...well rather peacefully, as two were walking, while the third was being carried. The first person looked rather silly, with spiky white hair, wearing a green gi with a red jacket, carrying a big scroll on his back and wearing a metal hitai-ate with the symbol for 'oil' on it. The second was a young boy, looking rather intimidating. Standing at 5 foot 4, wearing a black shinobi outfit, with a black katana strapped to his back and a Konoha hitai-ate on his forehead, it wasn't hard to do so. Another bonus point for the intimidation factor was the beaten up third person he carried.

As you all may have guessed those two are none other that one of the three Sennin, Jiraiya and his student Naruto. But the third...well that's a unknown at the moment.

"Neee Ero-sennin, are we there yet?" asked one traveler the other. "Shut up brat, we'll be there soon enough answered the other back, while making a threatening gesture with his right hand. "Neee Ero-sennin, why are we in such a hurry to get back?" asked Naruto. It seems that even two years of training under the (in)famous Sennin Jiraiya haven't taught him to shut up. "Well, your passenger seems to be one reason, but Tsunade's message was also urgent" answered Jiraiya truthfully. He had some suspicions about the reason they were called back, but he wouldn't steal Tsunade's fun...no he wasn't suicidal after all.

After a few hours of walk they finally came into sight of the large wall that protected the Hidden Village of the Leaf.

"Man, it feels good to be back, I wonder how much has changed" mumbled Naruto. Jiraiya heard him and decided not to answer, where was the fun in that.

Soon they arrived at the great Gate of Konoha, where they were immediately stopped by the guarding Chuunin.

"Open the gates!" Jiraiya yelled up at the Chuunin guards on duty.

"State your names." The guard jumped down to the ground in front of them, then realized who the two were. "Jiraiya-sama! Gomen, I didn't realize it was you."

"No problem. We are here to see the Hokage, can we enter?"

"You may enter, the Hokage is surely waiting for you" answered the guard and gave the order to open the doors. After the three passed the gates, the Chuunin took a last look at the trio and grinned. He had recognized them, even their seemingly unwilling company.

Things were going to be interesting, thats for sure.

---

"Hey, look it's him" "He's back" "Who's that he's carrying?" "Mine..." "No, Mine" "Forget it, there's enough to share"

This were just a few comments that greeted Naruto as he entered the livelier streets of Konoha on his way to the Hokage's office, but where he expected hateful looks and scornful words, all he got were these strange comments and those creepy glassy-eyed looks he couldn't make a rhyme of.

**-Bwahahaahahahahahahahaha-**

_-Shut up, baka kitsune-_

That problem resolved Naruto decided to worry about the strange looks he got later and hurry up.

---

"Hiya O-BA-CHAAAANNN!" greeted Naruto cheerfully as he entered the Hokage's office. Tsunade, immediately recognizing the owner of the voice prepared to launch him out of her office as she noticed the beaten-up bundle he carried, which she recognized too.

Trust Naruto to uphold his promises and make the impossible look easy thought Tsunade grinning.

"Welcome back Naruto-kun...I see that you brought your friend with you" answered Tsunade. At this Naruto dropped of his burden and scratched his neck. "Well, you see...he and Orochimaru just sort of crossed our way" Naruto lied and everyone who saw him could tell. "True, he crossed our way...after we made a two week detour when you learned about his whereabouts" Jiraiya dropped in.

"Heheheheeh, well..." answered Naruto, grinning sheepishly.

"Well main thing is that you got him back, doesn't matter how, but that isn't why I sent for you...ANBU, take Uchiha Sasuke to the hospital and post guards around his room"

Immediately an ANBU squad poofed out of thin air and took Sasuke with them

"We'll talk about THAT later, but for now there are even more important things to discuss. Naruto, take a seat, Jiraiya, you can go" ordered Tsunade.

"So, what's so important ba-chan?" asked Naruto with his usual grin, as he sat down opposite of Tsunade.

"You..." Tsunade answered cryptically.

"...me?"

"Yes...let me explain. While you were away...some of the villagers broke the thirds law concerning you and your furry friend" explained Tsunade. It got the expected reaction from the boy.

"N...NAAAANNIIIII?" cried Naruto, various emotions running over his face, before settling on apprehension.

The ANBU stationed outside both grinned behind their masks...there was no doubt about it, the number one most surprising (and loudmouth) ninja was back.

"Wh...What happened?" asked Naruto fearfully, his former cheerful demeanor gone.

"Well, it was at the last 'Kyuubi-festival', you haven't been seen for nearly six months, some villagers and shinobi got drunk, I'm sure you can imagine the rest for yourself" explained Tsunade carefully.

"So everyone knows? Sakura-chan? Neji? Kiba? Hinata-chan? everyone?..." Naruto asked, dread filling his voice, one of his worst fears came true.

"Yes, the Rookie eight, Gai's team, basically everyone of the young generation in this village knows...but they don't hate you for it."

That was the second shock for Naruto this day and threw his entire world view in the blender. Before he could inquire further Tsunade continued.

"It was like this, after the news came out, the elders and most parents tried to get their children, ninja or non-ninja to join in their 'march' to destroy your house, but where stopped by those who see you as yourself, not as the demon sealed inside you." explained Tsunade. "You should have been there that day, I believe it was one of the largest accumulations of villagers ever. Those who overcame their prejudices against those who still held grudges against the Kyuubi and are too blind to see the truth.

And strike three...Naruto's out.

"Well, he took that better than expected" said Tsunade to herself, smiling at the unconscious form of Uzumaki Naruto, holder of the Kyuubi, loudest and most surprising Ninja of Konoha...

Just wait until you've woken up, the day is still long thought the fifth Hokage as she laid her poor victim on the couch in her office and waited for his awakening.

---

Hyuga Hiashi was grinning. While rare, this wasn't something unheard of and even the stoic Hyuga clan head could allow himself a few moments, where he could let his feeling of success show on his face.

But this wasn't a normal grin Hyuga Hiashi wore on his face today. No, it was a full-fledged, shit-eating grin, that one normally associated with a person having won the lottery five times in a row after seeing his eternal rival being hit by lightning...thrice.

The reason? Simple, the return of his old friends legacy. A Legacy that just an hour ago, unknowingly bit the elder council of the Hyuga clan in their collective asses.

Whistling a tune (and thereby causing several cases of acute cardiac arrest from the people in his vicinity) the Hyuga clan head proceeded on his way to the Hokage's office.

---

At the same time in the village of hidden Sand

"Kankuro, Temari, pack your things, we are going to Konoha" ordered the fifth Kazekage his siblings. In his hand holding a worn scroll and looking like he was going to go on a rampage any moment.

Both siblings knew better than to ask Gaara about the 'why when he was like this. Though he had mellowed out a little in the last two years, he was still as homicidal years before in this mood.

---

And at the same time in the capital of the Snow Country

Kazahana Koyuki, formerly known as Fujikaze Yukie or Princess Fuun, now known as the princess of Snow Country stared forlornly at the scroll a servant handed her from the archives. It had to be coincidence, right?

Today should have been the first day for the production of the first Icha Icha Paradise movie, a movie, she was only prepared to partake in to forget _him._

She sighed. "Well, it had to happen" she murmured before ordering one of her servants to prepare for an 'unofficial' journey to Konoha.


	2. Prologue II

**Life's a game – Prologue II**

_Any piece of clothing can be sexy with a quietly passionate woman inside it. - Anonymous, 'O Magazine', The Shy Girl's Guide to Sex, February 2003_

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Back at the Hokage Tower

"Tsunade-sama, Hyuga Hiashi is here to see you" came the secretary's voice over the intercom. Tsunade grinned. This was perfect.

"Send him in" Tsunade sent back and took her seat behind the large desk.

"Hokage-sama" greeted the Hyuga clan head, an uncharacteristic smirk on his lips.

"Hyuga-san" returned Tsunade. "I see you heard about his return, came to tell him personally?" she asked.

"With your permission" answered Hiashi relaxed.

"Sure, but first I have to inform his of his legacy. I propose that we relocate to the Hyuga estates after that so you have time to discuss the situation with Naruto and to deal with your council".

Hiashi's smirk turned sour for an instant at the mention of the council, before it returned to its previous condition. If he played his cards right and he assessed Naruto right, the council members would get the shock of their (old) lives.

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Meanwhile back at the Hokage's office back room, Naruto awoke from his unintentional slumber (a ninja doesn't faint, he rests instantly).

"Ungh...what happ..." groaned Naruto, before his talk with Tsunade came back to him.

**-Welcome back kit, had a good rest?-** drawled Kyuubi from inside his mind.

_-Nice to see you caring...that wasn't just a dream, wasn't it?-_ thought Naruto back.

**-As if I'd care...and no, that was real...a pity-**

_-Maybe for you baka...I'm...glad-_ answered Naruto, before cutting off the connection to his inner demon.

With that thought in his head Naruto began to orientate himself, finding out that he was in the the back room of the Hokage's office, but Tsunade was not here.

"Well, she's probably in her office...might as well go" Naruto told himself.

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Hiashi and Tsunade were just finishing the next steps they had planned for Naruto, as the mentioned Genin entered the room and announced his presence with a loud "Baa-chan!".

Only the many years of experience as the Hyuga clan head saved Hiashi from laughing out loud at the Hokage's expression and his untimely death at said persons hands.

Naruto on the other hand wasn't so fortunate.

"GGGAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

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A few minutes later had the odd trio sitting in the Hokage's office, Tsunade with a twitching eyebrow, Hiashi with an unreadable expression, but a certain amused twinkle in his eyes and Naruto, nursing a large bump on his head.

"Well Naruto, now that you are listening" this was accented by a death glare from Tsunade that told him to NOT open his mouth "I have many things to work out with you, and after that Hiashi-san wants to talk to you about a problem that has to deal with what I want to talk about you first..." explained Tsunade.

Naruto rocked his head left and right for a moment, before he answered.

It was going to be a loud hour at the Hokage Tower, as Naruto was told about his legacy.

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As Naruto left Tsunade's office accompanied by her and Hyuga Hiashi he was silent...that enough was saying a lot. In the span of an hour he found out who his parents really were, namely Kazama Arashi, the Yondaime Hokage, his father and Hyuga Natsumi, his mother, an ex-branch family member who got her seal removed shortly after marrying his father. This piece of information was accompanied by a bunch of clan-political gibberish, something about the Hokage being able to act independent.

Now he was on his way towards the Hyuga grounds to discuss the latest change in his life with the Hyuga clan head and the council to avoid having the Hyuga Juin placed on his forehead, something, many of the elder council would love to do. But as he was told, the Yondaime and his wife had already worked out a plan to avoid this, before he was even born. A plan, that was well known to the Hyuga and the council was working very hard against and that they would succeed if they didn't act now.

Clearly, Naruto wanted to avoid ANOTHER damned seal.

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They reached the Hyuga estates after a short walk and the three went to Hiashi's office to go over the details of the plan while waiting for the council to gather.

After the three sat down in Hiashi's office, he immediately dropped the bomb.

"Naruto-san, what do you know about political marriages?" asked Hiashi out of the blue.

Whatever Naruto expected to happen didn't even come close to this.

"EEEEEEHHHHHHHH?"

"Allow me to explain Naruto-san" interrupted Hiashi, before Naruto could start a barrage of (mostly) useless questions. "Your father knew that the council would most likely use his children against him, if they were forced to wear the Juin, so he arranged a marriage contract with me, the Hyuga clan head, so that all of his future children would marry into the main family to avoid the seal and those married would then belong to the Kazama clan, which from then on is independent from the Hyugas, even if they carry the Byakugan bloodline limit" began Hiashi "But the council knows about this pact and they tried to marry off Hinata for the last one and a half years, since your lineage became known to the public, and I can only hold them off for so long. So I want you to start your duties as the Kazama heir as the fiancé for my daughters as soon as possible, namely today." he finished.

And for the second time that day Naruto was out like a light and hit the floor with a dull thump.

The noise was mirrored from the other side of the door, but with a startled "eep".

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End file.
